Sometimes we pretend we're a decorative statue.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Argh
Life is crazy right now. We've got the recital in three weeks, I'm working on music and typing the program, there's still one more dance to finish, and it's hot. Damned hot. Not good for people like me whose lungs aren't 100%.
But I shall carry on, taking my short little walks every other morning after my other half leaves for work. I didn't get to sleep until about 4:15 this morning, woke up at 8:00 or so. Time for coffee.
I'm drinking quite a bit of water lately. I have a soda once, maybe twice a week. Basically I've been forced to change my relationships with food thanks to the medicine I'm on, which loses effectiveness if I eat anything green and leafy.
It's been a strange year...
But I shall carry on, taking my short little walks every other morning after my other half leaves for work. I didn't get to sleep until about 4:15 this morning, woke up at 8:00 or so. Time for coffee.
I'm drinking quite a bit of water lately. I have a soda once, maybe twice a week. Basically I've been forced to change my relationships with food thanks to the medicine I'm on, which loses effectiveness if I eat anything green and leafy.
It's been a strange year...
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Soooo tired
Truth be told, it's a struggle to get through the day sometimes. I can't stand feeling like this because I've always tried to be so bloody-damned tough.
Once the recital is over I'm gonna sleep for a week.
Once the recital is over I'm gonna sleep for a week.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
No, really.
Just because I look okay doesn't mean I'm not healing.
Yeah, my lungs sound clearer. Doesn't mean they're not still damaged.
Sure I get plenty of rest. But I don't always get enough.
This is not easy. It will never be easy.
I came very close to dying six weeks ago. I've accepted that I won't be 100% straightaway.
Yes, I almost died. Yes, I have a small metal cage inside me to make sure it doesn't happen again.
Yes, it affected the entire studio, still does because I can't do as much and we lost three weeks with my inability to go anywhere besides the hospital and surgery centers.
This is my reality. I've accepted it and I am damn proud to have survived.
Yeah, my lungs sound clearer. Doesn't mean they're not still damaged.
Sure I get plenty of rest. But I don't always get enough.
This is not easy. It will never be easy.
I came very close to dying six weeks ago. I've accepted that I won't be 100% straightaway.
Yes, I almost died. Yes, I have a small metal cage inside me to make sure it doesn't happen again.
Yes, it affected the entire studio, still does because I can't do as much and we lost three weeks with my inability to go anywhere besides the hospital and surgery centers.
This is my reality. I've accepted it and I am damn proud to have survived.
MEK Tuesdays
Someone referred to my youngest cat as Memory-Erase Kitten after a bad encounter with the "Twilight" film.
Apparently my kitty is so cute (stepdad once spent twenty minutes looking for a "Made In Japan" sticker on her) she makes you forget all the bad stuff in the world. After weeks and lots of requests for pictures of this miraculous furbaby, the nickname stuck.
Here's MEK hiding behind a couch pillow.
Apparently my kitty is so cute (stepdad once spent twenty minutes looking for a "Made In Japan" sticker on her) she makes you forget all the bad stuff in the world. After weeks and lots of requests for pictures of this miraculous furbaby, the nickname stuck.
Here's MEK hiding behind a couch pillow.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
A little family project
So I told my husband that "Watchmen" was about to be a movie.
He got me the graphic novel for Christmas.
I found a forum about the book and movie, and one day ran across a post about a game called The Path.
Bought it, played it. LOVED it, wanted to know more about this amazing little development team.
They're called Tale of Tales, based in Belgium, and are two of the most insanely artistic people I've ever encountered next to my mum and sister. They've also created a gorgeous game based on the tale of Salome, an interactive vignette/meditation on mortality, and a lovely little game/interactive screensaver/MMO called The Endless Forest. Brilliant.
You're a deer. That's it. No rules, no language, no violence. Just art on a global scale and a collaborative spirit. You communicate by gesture, by calling to other deer who represent people all over the world, by dancing with them, running through the woods with them, sitting with them. Mum falls in love with the beautiful screenshots that players have posted and the relaxing atmosphere of running around in a magical place where you can simply BE.
So what do we do?
Contact the developer and ask permission to turn it into a ballet.
And it's going to happen. We've got the space, we've got the beginnings of an extensive wardrobe, props and ideas for stories, music to select and record, narratives to write. I think everyone involved is here at the right time to make this a reality, and I'm very grateful that Michael and Aureia are in the world.
He got me the graphic novel for Christmas.
I found a forum about the book and movie, and one day ran across a post about a game called The Path.
Bought it, played it. LOVED it, wanted to know more about this amazing little development team.
They're called Tale of Tales, based in Belgium, and are two of the most insanely artistic people I've ever encountered next to my mum and sister. They've also created a gorgeous game based on the tale of Salome, an interactive vignette/meditation on mortality, and a lovely little game/interactive screensaver/MMO called The Endless Forest. Brilliant.
You're a deer. That's it. No rules, no language, no violence. Just art on a global scale and a collaborative spirit. You communicate by gesture, by calling to other deer who represent people all over the world, by dancing with them, running through the woods with them, sitting with them. Mum falls in love with the beautiful screenshots that players have posted and the relaxing atmosphere of running around in a magical place where you can simply BE.
So what do we do?
Contact the developer and ask permission to turn it into a ballet.
And it's going to happen. We've got the space, we've got the beginnings of an extensive wardrobe, props and ideas for stories, music to select and record, narratives to write. I think everyone involved is here at the right time to make this a reality, and I'm very grateful that Michael and Aureia are in the world.
Hurm.
Sometimes I wake up at two in the morning and ponder a whole bunch of things. Sometimes I ponder one thing over the course of the day. Since my stepson is home sick today I'll have plenty of time to think about the little strangenesses of the world.
Like right now I'm wondering how come I haven't noticed before that Joyce Meyer has Joker mouth. She is seriously working the Romero look. Joyce Meyer is a reformed 'tute-turned-televangelist that just so happens to be based right here in my hometown, so if I disappear after this gets published you all know where to look.
Now, before you quibble, here's Cesar Romero out of makeup.
Not bad, right? Dark, manly, handsome. It's always interesting to look at the earlier stars who made their names as costumed characters because they are handled in so dramatically different a way than today. In this era they're covered in prosthetics and computer-remapped within an inch of their lives. In the fifties "Avatar" would have been filmed on a soundstage decorated to look like the rainforest, and we would have seen a bunch of actors in blue bodysuits with tails on. Frankly that would have entertained me a hell of a lot more, probably because in the fifties people knew how to write!
Poor Cesar, so pretty and yet he became famous for looking like this:
Don't get me wrong. I adore the high camp that is the early "Batman" series and really, who doesn't love Burgess Meredith as the Penguin? Plus Eartha Kitt was so ridiculously hot and so mind-blowingly sexy there are still some men in the world who can be utterly destroyed by thoughts of her and a well-placed growl. Batman had some real beauties in its day.
Where am I going? Oh yes, Joyce Meyer has Joker mouth.
See?
Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go hide in my basement.
Like right now I'm wondering how come I haven't noticed before that Joyce Meyer has Joker mouth. She is seriously working the Romero look. Joyce Meyer is a reformed 'tute-turned-televangelist that just so happens to be based right here in my hometown, so if I disappear after this gets published you all know where to look.
Now, before you quibble, here's Cesar Romero out of makeup.
Not bad, right? Dark, manly, handsome. It's always interesting to look at the earlier stars who made their names as costumed characters because they are handled in so dramatically different a way than today. In this era they're covered in prosthetics and computer-remapped within an inch of their lives. In the fifties "Avatar" would have been filmed on a soundstage decorated to look like the rainforest, and we would have seen a bunch of actors in blue bodysuits with tails on. Frankly that would have entertained me a hell of a lot more, probably because in the fifties people knew how to write!
Poor Cesar, so pretty and yet he became famous for looking like this:
Don't get me wrong. I adore the high camp that is the early "Batman" series and really, who doesn't love Burgess Meredith as the Penguin? Plus Eartha Kitt was so ridiculously hot and so mind-blowingly sexy there are still some men in the world who can be utterly destroyed by thoughts of her and a well-placed growl. Batman had some real beauties in its day.
Where am I going? Oh yes, Joyce Meyer has Joker mouth.
See?
Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go hide in my basement.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
How I got here
On May 3rd, I collapsed. I hadn't felt anything all day, but when the pain hit it was like someone shot me in the sternum. I was cold and pale and sweating, couldn't hear or stand or breathe. One ambulance ride and a few hours later I listened to a doctor as he calmly told me I had too many blood clots to count in my lungs. My husband was there, my mother was on the phone telling I don't know who what had happened to me.
So I stayed. For a week, I was in the hospital being poked and prodded and injected and dosed. My sister came home to cover my classes. My mum spent the week sitting in my room and passed the time by hand-beading a costume. My husband only left me for the last two nights I was there, working from the hospital room. These people were there for me. Me! Me, who never felt like she merited that much attention. It's hard to explain to someone what that week was like now that I've been home for about four weeks, but all I know is that at the time I felt very small. Very. . .not me.
It's strange, reclaiming yourself after something like that. Mum worries, Fahnz encourages, and the rest of the world seems larger somehow. Sometimes it seems as if I'm in a borrowed body, one that has broken and is carefully, slowly, delicately being put back together. I'm back at work in a lessened capacity and it's glorious, because I almost lost it and even though I can't do much I feel like I'm able to give more. Strange to think that my life is now numbers and blood draws and pills, but I feel more alive than ever.
So I stayed. For a week, I was in the hospital being poked and prodded and injected and dosed. My sister came home to cover my classes. My mum spent the week sitting in my room and passed the time by hand-beading a costume. My husband only left me for the last two nights I was there, working from the hospital room. These people were there for me. Me! Me, who never felt like she merited that much attention. It's hard to explain to someone what that week was like now that I've been home for about four weeks, but all I know is that at the time I felt very small. Very. . .not me.
It's strange, reclaiming yourself after something like that. Mum worries, Fahnz encourages, and the rest of the world seems larger somehow. Sometimes it seems as if I'm in a borrowed body, one that has broken and is carefully, slowly, delicately being put back together. I'm back at work in a lessened capacity and it's glorious, because I almost lost it and even though I can't do much I feel like I'm able to give more. Strange to think that my life is now numbers and blood draws and pills, but I feel more alive than ever.
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